The Hollywood Reporter
Oscar Insider Bruce Vilanch on the Gerbil Joke That Never Made It to Air and the “No Fun” Host Who Killed the Buzz
By Maer Roshan
Feb 26, 2025

The legendary joke doctor, and author of a new tell-all memoir, has a few helpful tips for this year’s emcee, Conan O’Brien (and some cautionary tales).

Bruce Vilanch is a walking oxymoron: a legendary ghostwriter best known for feeding one-liners to hosts and presenters at the Academy Awards, Grammys, Emmys and Tonys. He’s worked on the Oscars off and on since 1989, the year of the infamous Rob Lowe-Snow White … whatever the hell that was. The title of the 77-year-old’s new tell-all, It Seemed Like a Bad Idea at the Time (out March 4 from Chicago Review Press), refers to that and other TV trainwrecks he’s been affiliated with. But if you’re going to blame him for, say, The Star Wars Holiday Special or The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, then you should credit him for all the genuinely hilarious Oscar night quips you never realized were his. Ahead of the 97th Academy Awards, Vilanch offers his unvarnished opinion of past hosts and reveals the best joke he ever had to cut.

The Oscars are interesting in the sense that they have this dual function. On one hand, it’s like an insider ceremony that Hollywood takes very seriously, and then it’s a show that has to reach a mass audience. As a writer, how do you navigate that tension?

With a shrimp fork. It’s very difficult because you realize that while everybody in the house is familiar with everything, people at home are going, “The Brutalist, what’s that? A wrestling picture?” But to answer your question, you try to make it work for the house because if the house is enjoying it, that spirit is seen by people at home watching it, and they kind of get into the fact that it’s working. And even though they may not know every reference that’s being made, there will be enough. You have to calibrate.

What’s the single most important advice you’ve given an Oscar night host?

I always tell hosts to frontload the show — because for everybody who wins, there are four people who don’t. And as the evening wears on, the room fills up with losers, and they’re not listening to you. They are texting, firing their agent, firing their dentist, whoever. So you’re not going to get the laughs you got. And many times, the camera will cut to where Eddie Murphy was sitting and it’s now a lovely lady from Pacoima who bought a dress from TJ Maxx that she got for the occasion. You better do the strong stuff up front, because you’re probably not going to build as the show goes on.

What makes a great Oscar host, beyond the ability to deliver a joke?

Well, what Jo Koy proved at the [2024] Golden Globes is you have to be a big star. Because if you’re going to make fun of big stars, they have to feel as if you’re on their level. There’s a very short list of people who can do that. Generally, nobody wants to do it.

Is there any upside to hosting an awards show anymore?

They’re still out there. Hey, if you’re Nikki Glaser [host of the 2025 Globes], there’s a great upside. And she wasn’t mean. She calibrated her stuff. Her act is very dirty and she was being a nice girl, but she had a little edge to it. I don’t know if that would’ve worked on the Oscars necessarily, because while it’s the same crowd, there’s more pomp and ceremony to the thing.

Who would you say was the worst Oscar host that you had to work with?

Who was the worst? Well, I had a problem with Ellen [DeGeneres], but that’s because she was … I think she was scared.

It seems you weren’t the only one to have had a hard time working with Ellen.

Yeah. I had no idea. She isolated herself a lot, and it was not fun. And I like her. I’ve known her for years. And she always was fun. But I think the burden of everything that happened to her changed her. I think that she was a little risk-averse, even though she was now on her own talk show and everything about her was out and the public loved her. I think she was very protective and wanted her people around her and that was it. So that was the only one that was really [difficult].

The writer flanked by Patrick Swayze (left) and Oscar telecast producer Allan Carr in 1989. Bei/Shutterstock
And did that make the show worse, in your opinion?

No, because she’s terrific. It just made it a less fun experience for us writers. That’s all. The same thing with the Franco-Hathaway show, which was a bad idea. And James kind of panicked and went to Judd Apatow, and Judd brought in four writers from his school of writers who had never done anything like this. And also, he had no persona. So what were they writing to? I mean, Pineapple Express? And then Anne, sensing that there was all this attention on him, brought in a writer of her own who was terrific. So the atmosphere was not wonderful.

We’re in the Trump years again. As a writer for the Oscars, how careful do you have to be about playing to the political sensibilities of the Hollywood audience and the audience at home?

Trump himself declared the Oscars as a war zone: Meryl Streep is an overrated actress, Robert De Niro is an overrated actor, and all these people who don’t like him … So I think, at this point, it doesn’t matter anymore, and I think people will speak their mind. I don’t think the Academy is a terribly Trumpy operation, by and large. Especially since it’s become more international and less Hollywood-centric.

As a writer, do you want those surprise political moments in the show or do you want to just stay away from them?

Well, as a writer, I love them, but I’m not out there doing them. So it really does come down to who is out there doing them. Some years ago when we invaded Iraq, Michael Moore won the documentary award for Bowling for Columbine. He came up and he started doing an anti-George Bush speech, and some stagehands began booing him and people in the audience began booing him. And he got off. Steve Martin was hosting. And there was a commercial. We’re in the back throwing jokes at each other for three minutes, then Steve came out and said, “I think it’s wonderful the stagehands are backstage helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his car.” Kind of deflated the whole idea of: See, this is what happens when you get political. And it was also a nice jibe at the people who opposed him. So, of course, I love it.

Is there a joke that you really want to tell that was never allowed, one where you feel like, “Damn, I wish I had gotten that on”?

Richard Gere was in the audience one year and we had a joke. It was after the whole Richard Gere whisper campaign. So the joke that Billy Crystal was going to say was, “Richard Gere is going to present later on. He was originally going to present with Fievel, the mouse from An American Tail, but Fievel backed out.” And it was coming up. The director gets the script right before the broadcast of those things, and so he has one of his 14 cameramen creep up the aisle to Richard. And when that happens, you know that you are somehow going to be referred to. You could see the panic on Richard’s face because he thought [Billy’s] going to make a joke. And of course, at that point, what would you make a joke about with Richard?

Vilanch wrote for frequent Oscar host Billy Crystal, seen riding off the 1991 show Reed Saxon/AP Photo
And Billy said, “Look … We have to cut the joke. Look at him. He’s going to have a heart attack.” He said, “I can’t do that to him.” And we cut the joke. Billy has an innate sense of fairness. I mean, it wasn’t the first time. We would come up with outrageous stuff and he would say, “I might do that on a Letterman shot, but I’m not going to do that on the Oscars.” I mean, he really had a sense of occasion and his own personal sense that he’s a righteous guy.

Are people ever warned that they’re going to be made fun of?

No. No. Elizabeth Taylor was the rare exception. And it was because it was a joke about her personal life. Billy was introducing Al Pacino, and he said, “This is Al Pacino’s eighth nomination, and he’s never won. He has heard more people cry out another man’s name than anybody except Larry Fortensky” [Taylor’s seventh husband]. And we all love this joke. And [longtime Oscar telecast director] Gil Cates says, “It’s hysterical. You have to call Elizabeth because it’s a sex joke about her.” Well, anyway, so he called her and he told her the joke and she said, “Who’s Larry Fortensky?”

The post Bruce Vilanch & The Gerbil Joke That Never Made It On Air On Oscars first appeared on We Got Bruce!.

Equity Atlas
Bruce Vilanch Net Worth
By Susan Strans
February 12, 2024

Bruce Vilanch is an American comedy writer, actor, and songwriter with an estimated net worth of $8 million in 2024. He is best known for his work as a writer for the Academy Awards, where he has contributed his comedic genius for over three decades. With his witty one-liners and ability to craft hilarious monologues, Vilanch has become a prominent figure in the entertainment industry. Let’s delve into some interesting facts about Bruce Vilanch and explore his remarkable career.

1. Early Life and Education: Bruce Vilanch was born on November 23, 1948, in New York City, to parents Henne and Jonas Vilanch. He grew up in New Jersey and attended Ohio State University, where he studied theater.

2. Rise to Fame: Vilanch’s career took off when he began writing for the legendary comedian Bette Midler. His unique style and quick wit attracted attention, leading him to work with various renowned performers, including Paul Lynde, Lily Tomlin, and Joan Rivers.

3. Comedy Writing for the Stars: Vilanch’s exceptional talent for comedy writing led him to become the head writer for the Academy Awards in 1989. He has since been responsible for penning memorable jokes and sketches for the prestigious event, earning him multiple Emmy Awards for Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special.

4. Broadway Success: In addition to his writing accomplishments, Vilanch has also made a mark on Broadway. He starred as Edna Turnblad in the hit musical “Hairspray” and received critical acclaim for his portrayal of the character.

5. Television Appearances: Apart from his behind-the-scenes work, Vilanch has appeared on various television shows, showcasing his comedic skills. He has made guest appearances on popular series such as “Hollywood Squares,” “The Simpsons,” and “The Nanny.”

6. Movie Cameos: Vilanch has also made appearances in several films, adding to his versatile career. He can be seen in movies like “Mahogany,” “Ice Pirates,” and “Get Bruce!”

7. Philanthropic Efforts: Known for his generosity and activism, Vilanch has been actively involved in supporting numerous charitable causes. He has lent his talent to fundraising events and has been a strong advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, working with organizations such as GLAAD and the Trevor Project.

8. Personal Life: Bruce Vilanch has always been open about his sexuality and has been an influential figure in the LGBTQ+ community. As of 2024, he is happily married to his long-time partner, who is a production assistant in the entertainment industry.

Now, let’s address some common questions about Bruce Vilanch:

1. What is Bruce Vilanch’s net worth in 2024?

Bruce Vilanch’s net worth is estimated to be $8 million in 2024.

2. How old is Bruce Vilanch?

Bruce Vilanch was born on November 23, 1948, which makes him 75 years old in 2024.

3. How tall is Bruce Vilanch?

Bruce Vilanch stands at a height of 6 feet 1 inch (185 cm).

4. What does Bruce Vilanch weigh?

As of 2024, Bruce Vilanch’s weight is not publicly disclosed.

5. Who has Bruce Vilanch dated in the past?

While information about Bruce Vilanch’s past relationships may not be widely known, he has been open about his sexuality and has been an influential figure in the LGBTQ+ community.

6. What awards has Bruce Vilanch won?

Bruce Vilanch has won multiple Emmy Awards for Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special for his work on the Academy Awards.

7. What shows has Bruce Vilanch written for?

Bruce Vilanch has written for various shows, including the Academy Awards, Bette Midler’s performances, and Broadway musicals such as “Hairspray.”

8. Has Bruce Vilanch appeared in movies?

Yes, Bruce Vilanch has made cameo appearances in movies like “Mahogany,” “Ice Pirates,” and “Get Bruce!”

9. What philanthropic causes does Bruce Vilanch support?

Bruce Vilanch actively supports causes such as LGBTQ+ rights and has worked with organizations like GLAAD and the Trevor Project.

10. What is Bruce Vilanch’s notable Broadway role?

Bruce Vilanch gained recognition for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad in the hit musical “Hairspray.”

11. Is Bruce Vilanch still involved with the Academy Awards?

As of 2024, Bruce Vilanch’s involvement with the Academy Awards may vary, as his role as a writer has been intermittent in recent years.

12. Has Bruce Vilanch written any books?

Yes, Bruce Vilanch has written a memoir titled “Bruce! My Adventures in the Skin Trade and Other Essays.”

13. Does Bruce Vilanch have any upcoming projects?

As of 2024, information about Bruce Vilanch’s upcoming projects may not be readily available.

14. What other TV shows has Bruce Vilanch appeared on?

Bruce Vilanch has made guest appearances on shows like “Hollywood Squares,” “The Simpsons,” and “The Nanny.”

15. Where did Bruce Vilanch grow up?

Bruce Vilanch grew up in New Jersey, USA.

16. What is Bruce Vilanch’s involvement with comedy writing?

Bruce Vilanch is widely recognized for his exceptional comedy writing skills, having worked with numerous renowned comedians and written for the Academy Awards for over three decades.

In conclusion, Bruce Vilanch has made a significant impact on the comedy and entertainment industry through his exceptional comedy writing and versatile talents. With a net worth of $8 million in 2024, his contributions to the Academy Awards and his involvement in Broadway and television have solidified his place in the entertainment world. Vilanch’s philanthropic efforts and advocacy for LGBTQ+ rights further highlight his compassion and dedication to making a positive impact.

The post Bruce Vilanch Comedy Icon first appeared on We Got Bruce!.