Bruce Vilanch Kills!…Not Literally

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Bruce Vilanch positively killed as host of the annual entertainment marathon known as The Nightlife Awards, at Town Hall on January 31. He described CBS’ upcoming schedule which includes “CSI: Fire Island” this way: “An arm washes up onshore. But it’s wearing bad jewelry, so nobody cares.”

This night, which traditionally clocks in at a minimum of four hours, had Kate Clinton, saying, “When it started I was a Stonewall dyke, now I’m Stonehenge. Catheters are available under your seats.”

The reason we steel ourselves and our bladders every year for this is the awesome wealth of talent which turns up onstage. I was a judge this year and thrilled that Keely Smith won and favored an idolatrous audience with her late husband Louis Prima’s hit “Just a Gigolo,” as well as a shimmering “I Wish You Love.” She bawdily asked her presenter, Tony Danza, if he were carrying a squash in his tuxedo, causing Danza to blush and flee offstage and Vilanch to comment: “I want an update on that squash situation. Telephone operators are standing by.”

Jeff sang athunderous rendition of “Once Upon a Time,” prompting Vilanch’s “The last remaining wall of the Henry Miller Theatre across the street just fell.”