Mister V Keeps On Truckin”:
Celebrity Fit Club 3 – Episode 6

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The Trades
Celebrity Fit Club 3 – Episode 6
A Dose of Reality by Caroline Roberts
Published: February 12, 2006

Ebony Flame

Tempestt Bledsoe, 166 lbs. (minus 3 lbs.) Voted off Kelly’s Bellies. Original weight: 181 lbs. It’s hardly a surprise that the team voted to remove Bledsoe, and only LeBrock made a genuine effort to be kind about it. Nelson even shouts, “Hell, yeah!” because Countess Vaughn is on the team instead of Bledsoe. Ouch. At least she lost 3 lbs., and she seems more mellow. Maybe it’s her new team or the fact that she’s not on her period at the moment.

Chastity Bono, 196 lbs. (minus 3 lbs.) Original weight: 215 lbs. Bono refers to Nelson as “the bane of my existence,” and during the Fit Camp Bicycle Race, Nelson blazes past her. She admits to Ant that it is “physically impossible” for her team to catch up because of Nelson. Obviously, Bono is ready to kick Nelson’s behind, and she’s throwing herself into her martial arts classes. The next time Nelson beats her in a Fit Camp challenge, he should watch out.

Young MC, 247 lbs. (minus 4 lbs.) Original weight: 278 lbs. Bono calls Young MC “Marvin.” That’s so cute! Mr. Marvin, who used to be Drill Sergeant Harvey’s pet, is out to prove something to Gunnar Nelson, and he most certainly does when he loses weight, losing 31 lbs. total. There’s also a brief mention of a finace, which suggests that Young MC has another reason to be losing the weight besides the Celebrity Fit Club’s cash prizes.

Bruce Vilanch, 296 lbs. (minus 0 lbs.) Original weight: 315 lbs. Vilanch might get more of a makeover than he bargained for. Vaughn gives him a cute headband before the Fit Camp Bicycle Race, and she says, “When we’re done with this, I’m going to cornrow you.” Please, don’t! This week, he doesn’t lose any weight, but he was on the road, and it’s a pretty good achievement for Vilanch, who has had trouble exercising, to avoid weight gain. For kicks, Dr. Ian has someone “morph” an image of Vilanch so Vilanch can see himself at a reasonably svelte 235 lbs. The morphing is pretty gross, but Vilanch wisely asks, “Can I get a breast reduction, too?” Who could forget the image of Vilanch in his heart monitor bra? Oh, and Vilanch’s T-shirt this week is pretty cute: “‘STRESSED’ Is ‘DESSERTS’ spelled backwards.”

Kelly’s Bellies

Countess Vaughn, 130 lbs. (minus 2 lbs.). Voted off Ebony Flame. Original weight: 130 lbs. When her teammates vote her off, they try especially hard to be nice to her. But she really doesn’t make that much difference in the weigh-in since she isn’t large in the first place, and she keeps gaining instead of losing. But they might be wrong about her because her session with Dr. Linda prompted her to take losing weight more seriously. She informs Dr. Ian that she’s been laying off the soda pop and taking colonics (which got hot last season when Toccara Jones did one of them). When Drill Sergeant Harvey says he’s proud of her, everyone applauds.

Kelly LeBrock, 155 lbs. (minus 4 lbs.) Original weight: 175 lbs. The show follows LeBrock through her day on her ranch, as she cooks for her family, shovels horse poop, and mucks out the stalls. If you’ve ever cleaned out a horse stall, you know that is plenty of work in its own right, but LeBrock heads right to a meeting with her personal trainer, which involves plenty of squats for the boys to watch. Avoiding her own cooking and busting her butt pays off. Unfortunately, there’s a downside, and she confides in the judges that “My sex life’s down the toilet.” When Dr. Linda gives Ms. “Don’t-Hate-Me-Because-I’m-Beautiful” sex advice, some of the contestants – and even Drill Sergeant Harvey – start cracking up. Dr. Linda talks about lingerie and positions, but it’s hard to imagine that Kelly LeBrock of all people needs sex advice.

Gunnar Nelson, 160 lbs. (minus 4 lbs.) Original weight: 175 lbs.
When he discovers that he’s already reached his weight-loss target, he grabs what little fat is there on his tummy and says that he still needs to lose it. There is something deeply disturbing about this attitude, and not only is he risking health problems, but he’s risking a slapping from someone else on the show. But he’s a big masochist, and he kisses Drill Sergeant Harvey’s behind and offers to be his “recruit.” Drill Sergeant Harvey is more than willing to be the dominator, and he forces Nelson to cut his shaggy locks before engaging in a special boot camp session. Nelson gets a little nervous, but he says to Drill Sergeant Harvey, “I will only do that for you.” Harvey announces, “This is the beginning of your Marine experience,” and it is also the beginning of a beautiful S&M relationship. But the haircut isn’t that drastic. Even though the producers set it up as if he will be shaved bald, there’s plenty of hair left over. Frankly, his new hairdo bears a resemblance to Chastity Bono’s haircut, which will probably increase their rivalry.

Jeff Conaway, 205 lbs. Original weight: 205 lbs. In a recent interview, Chastity Bono said of Jeff Conaway, “He was really hard to work with and hard to be around. Nobody really got close to him because he wasn’t really available to form any kind of bond there. Everyone else, you can talk with them. Unfortunately, we don’t know a thing about him or how he’s doing.” The paper notes that Conaway made it through rehab, but we’ll see how he does when he shows up next week.

Bizarre, 297 lbs. (minus 4 lbs.) Original weight 321 lbs. Bizarre is the unexpected hero of his team during the Bicycle Race, for he leaves due to an asthma attack. At first, it seems that he may be skipping out, but after some time with his inhaler, he comes right back and gives Kelly’s Bellies the win. Bizarre is also pushing himself in other ways by heading to the boxing ring. The boxing appeals to Biz, but he is a little embarrassed when he has to box with a teenage girl (don’t worry – she’s 17 and legal). Sure, he could win by sitting on her, but he resists the temptation to cheat. Has anyone else noticed that Bizarre is more willing to be seen in public without the shower cap? Good job, man!

Winners of the Week: After the team trade-off, Kelly’s Bellies loses 14 lbs. for 73 lbs. total, while Ebony Flame lost 10 lbs. for a total of 72 lbs. Gunnar Nelson needs to be watching his back right about now.

Next Week: Nelson gets a thrilling butt-kicking from Drill Sergeant Harvey, Bruce Vilanch and Bizarre buddy up, and Jeff Conaway stops by for a visit – with a box of Benadryl.

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